just what i FEEL
Oftentimes I feel exhausted
Sometimes I feel I’m sick,
Can’t even move a finger
Can’t even barely speak
—————
It seems I haven’t eaten
It seems I haven’t slept
My body just can’t take it
Everything i tried to keep
—————
They think I need a doctor
I beg to disagree, bro
I know my own illness
I know my remedy
—————
These things that I have told you,
Those things I seem to feel
Sometimes it just break me
But they are not that real
—————
I just want some attention,
A hug or maybe two or three
I just need some comfort,
Maybe I just need you
—————
I can’t help but feel them
So that you’d give me care,
Or those sweet thoughts that gives me
The smiles you make me wear
—————
Maybe not exhausted
Maybe I’m not sick
Maybe those are child’s play
Maybe those are fantasies
—————
Just so that you would notice
How badly I miss you,
Just so you would know
I’m lonely without you.
HIDING my ♥
This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
who blew me away
blew me away
And It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Dropped you off at the train station
Put a kiss on top of your head
And watched you wave
And watched you wave
Then I went on home to my skyscrapers
Neon lights and waiting papers
That I call home
I call that home
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Away, yeah
Woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain
And though I wish that you were here
on that same old road that brought me here
It's calling me home
It's calling me home
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away
who blew me away
blew me away
And It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Dropped you off at the train station
Put a kiss on top of your head
And watched you wave
And watched you wave
Then I went on home to my skyscrapers
Neon lights and waiting papers
That I call home
I call that home
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Away, yeah
Woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain
And though I wish that you were here
on that same old road that brought me here
It's calling me home
It's calling me home
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Adele - Hiding My Heart Mp3 | MP3-Codes.com
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another beautiful rendition of Adele that makes me fall in love all over again.
Originally by Brandi Carlile, but Adele owns it as if it's here own composed song.
day05
i get mental block in times like this because i have a very low memory retention
LOL naghalungkat pa ako sa baul para maalala ang mga masasayang alaala
again, i am not very particular when it comes to my favorite memory
i do have a lot of them, but this picture was very memorable for US.
This one-week getaway trip was very memorable for us 'magpi-pinsan' because this trip was not planned and nothing beats the adventure and experience we had. We just stole the van from our Aunt and picked every 'pinsan' who wants to join, then drove the car way up to Luzon. We're actually 15 who were able to join this trip. I think this was on summer of April 2009. We went to Lucena, Laguna, Manila, Cavite, Pampanga, Tarlac, Pangasinan and Baguio.
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| best stop over @bolinao pangasinan, campfire along the shore til morning |
The best stop over was in Bolinao, Pangasinan where we stayed overnight and enjoyed an alienated beach a lot. Instead of going inside the house to rest, we set up a big tent along the shore and fire up some woods til morning. Twas cool and bonding time for us boys in the gang (including empoy who's a tiberts) because we seldom see each other. We drive the night away, make some noise, drink and smoke, and take some tipsy and funny pictures that are all case sensitive *LOL*. If i could just post all the pictures here for you to see how abnormal we were and how crazy it was. I miss the jamming.
 |
| last stop over of the trip @baguio city behind is the beautiful baguio cathedral |
Our last stop was in Baguio City where we also stayed overnight before we go back to Bicol. We visit all the amazing tourist spots in baguio, eat all their famous delicacies, buy souvenirs, foods and shirts. This was my first time to see baguio and i was very amazed by how the entire city looks like. If there's another place i want to live, i'll consider baguio as one of the top choices. What we enjoyed here a lot was the weather and the activities you can do the whole day. Baguio has a lot in-stored for us trippers, we really plan to go back.
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*SMILE* absolutely, when i am with my cousins i don't feel any stress and i forget all the worries i have. Foods and drinks are always overflowing. We do whatever we want and surely everybody will cooperate as long as it will bring happiness to the gang. I can say that "WE'RE THE BEST MAGPIPINSAN IN TOWN"
september PLAYlist
1. SEPTEMBER - Chris Daughtry
This song sucks a bit. This reminds me of my past that i badly wish to turn back this very moment of my life. I remember those people who became a big part of me, of who is Nico today. So much memories stored in the month of September. I first heard this song on PGT and to find out it was Daughtry it was also quite amazing because he did make a good sound to my ears. This topped my playlist.
Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
2. BEST THING I NEVER HAD - Beyonce
I'm a sucker to ballad-ish R&B songs and this one, Beyonce definitely killed it! Oh btw, congrats to you and your man for the destiny's child! Anyways i just love this song for no reason. LOL actually there's a reason behind but i'm afraid to discuss it here.
I wanted you back
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
Oh I bet it sucks to be you right now
Another Chris on my playlist. It took me years before i figure out what's the title and who's the singer of thing song. Until i borrowed my friend's cellphone and found this on her most played songs. This song speaks a lot and some lines strikes straight through my naive heart. I don't want to memorized the lyrics coz i can't take some words to sink in my nerves.
Why did I change the pace
Hearts were never meant to race
I always felt the need for space
But now I can't reach your face
So where
Are you standing now
Are you in the crowd of my faults
Love, can you see my hand?
I need one more chance
We can still have it all
4. 6 MONTHS - Hey Monday
This has been one of my all time favorite. This is one of the few songs i know that screams but still pleasant to hear. When i listen to this song, i don't actually focus on the tone but rather to its lyrics. Just try to read the whole lyrics and surely you'll fall in love. I also love Hey Monday's CANDLE but this song i was better.
You're the direction I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
'cause you have that effect on me, you do
Maroon 5 definitely nailed it! The first time i was able to hear this in MTV i got to like it very much already and instantly i downloaded it on the net. This is a song that seems to keep my body alive and grooving. I even memorized the song in less than 15 minutes and every time i'm in school this is my LSS. I think this ranked 2nd on my list.
You wanted control
So we waited
I put on a show
Now I make it
You say I'm a kid
My ego is big
I don't give a shit
And it goes like this
6. YOU AND I - Lady Gaga
Hail Lady Gaga for making countless number of meaningful music and at the same time Rock! Just don't mind her music videos. LOL! You and I is my favorite song among all her albums. I love her electronica genre that made her unique and one of a kind. If you have time to repeat this song at least three times you'll hear yourself saying You and I, and by saying YOU you think of someone special.
It’s been a long time since I came around
Been a long time but I’m back in town
This time I’m not leaving without you
You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh
I’d give anything again to be your baby doll
This time I’m not leaving without you
7. NOT LIKE THE MOVIES - Katy Perry
Katy Perry has indeed contributed much in the music industry. Thru her music many people are getting inspired, like me. This song builds an inspiration and wake me up from my day dream. There's also one song of her that up until now i can't barely stand to hear. Like Lady Gaga she definitely Rock but in different manner.
'Cause I know you're out there,
And you're, you're looking for me.
It's a crazy idea that you were made,
Perfectly for me you'll see.
8. SUPER BASS - Nicki Minaj
I so like Nicki Minaj for being brave to wear dresses that are out of this world. She looks like a special creature in the music industry that gives life to new artists. *bows down* to her speedy voice. At first i don't like this song but when i saw someone dancing in the beat of this music, i can't stop myself too from dancing when nobody's around. The rhythm is cool that throws all the stress in life.
See I need you in my life for me to stay
No, no, no, no, no I know you'll stay
No, no, no, no, no don't go away
Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away
Don't you hear that heartbeat comin' your way
Oh it be like, boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass
9. CALIFORNIA KING BED - Rihanna
I noticed that most songs in my playlist were sang by female artist that makes it 'paGirl' WTH i don't give a damn. I'm not just the time of guy who prefer hardcore and punk, i go for mainstream that does not create noise. Anyways, Rihanna was very beautiful with her music video of this song, aside from the song itself who's more beautiful. When i hear this song i always think of someone special that seems too far despite the close distance that only separates us. Enough with the drama. LMAO
Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming
10. OO - Up Dharma Down
The only tagalog song that made in to my list this month of September. To think, Oo always made to include in my playlist since January or February. One of the best song for me in the Philippine music industry. It tells something about love - a person who truly love another person. Maybe those broken and devastated by love might relate their feelings to this song especially to those people who can't let go of the past and still hoping for that person to come back. I too can relate.
Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko
11. SO BLUE - Sino Sikat?
I once heard this song while watching battle of the bands in our school. I thought it was an original song composed by the engineering band. This song was actually high school and composed by Filipino artists said by my buddy but it's new to my ears and i kinda like it much. What i like about the song was the title 'So Blue' and the repetition of the lyrics. It chills me while playing it every morning.
I see my sigh, floating up to heaven in the sky
Full of, full of shattered hopes and bleeding dreams
I take a number for prescription for this melancholy
No more, no more I brush away my…
I am patience, perseverance
Come and take my hand, live forever
12. SOMEONE LIKE YOU, ROLLING IN THE DEEP, MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER, TURNING TABLES, TAKE IT ALL, RUMOUR HAS IT CHASING PAVEMENTS, LOVESONG, DAY DREAMS, BEST FOR LAST and etc. - Adele
Of course Adele will always be in my playlist. If i could just include all her songs here, then why not. Above are just some of her more 30 songs. I'm totally crazy in love with her voice. I can't explain how much i praise her for making such inspirational and classy music. For me she is the best singer of our generation. She brings back the real sound of music and the real essence of it - which is to give hope and entertainment, and a room for expression for a subtle feelings. :DDD
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day04
a picture of yourself and a family member
it's been how many weeks since i last posted my daily picture challenge
day 04 was quite demanding on my part coz i seldom took pix with my family
i can't even think of what to write and share with you on this blog entry
hence, i don't want to involve my parents so let me just share bout my ATE.
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| me & ate madel during her wedding pictorial @sangay, camarines sur. *this was fun* |
meet and greet my elder sister, ATE MADEL
they told me that among 4 siblings we both have the same genes
we have common attitudes, characteristics and ideals in life
the thing is since birth Manoy, I and Kim were the only children
til a point in time while growing together a sudden shift happened
ate madel came in to action that's telling she's our elder sibling
we don't mind, she occupied another room in our house
i can't really remember why we don't ask anything bout such thing
basta nung sinabing kapatid daw namin sya, ok! yun na yun.
thru time we became close coz i - the open headed among 3 boys
though sometimes we're the one who usually argue in the house
aside from that everything turns to be better when she came
neither i bother to ask my parents to how or where she came from
anyways i can see how much she cares and loves for each of us
i don't see any reason at all for me to search for the answers
besides my mom will never be the only girl in our home.
Moreover, i should be very thankful to her the most (aside from my mom) because she's the one who sends me to a private university and supports me for what i need to pursue my studies and my desires. Sometimes she also tolerates me in my 'luho' in life. There's only one thing that i cannot agree with her until now. It was the time when she decided to marry her long time boyfriend which i am really against. I absolutely don't like that fuckin' guy for my ate. I wish she could just marry another guy as long as not that man whose name starts with letter G. But what else can i do, it's her life and i see she's deeply in love with him. Only i can do is to watch over their relationship because i'm afraid that my ate might be hurt by that earthling. (hope she'll not be able to read this post) Fortunately, my ate is currently working abroad in her husband was left here in the country. For the meantime i can assure myself she's safe and will still able to support my study. This coming November, she even promised to buy me a new DSLR camera that i badly needed. I also promised her to graduate this coming March, and that's why she'll be coming home and will be watching me go over the stage even without flying colors, but still walking proud that she's my Ate Madel. :DDD
Love lots ate and sometimes i miss you especially the foods you always cook for me. Keep safe always!
nickNAME -_-
*big sigh* again last night!
Indeed, life is not about looking back and wishing that today is the same with the past. Life is about moving on, accepting changes and looking forward to what makes you stronger and more complete. Life is sometimes about letting go, setting free the things that makes you unhappy and does not deserve to stay in your life anymore.
Last night, we had a plan to visit my friend in their house because her father was dead. It was already 11:00pm when i arrived for i have to travel back in our town because i have my class in the city. I was not able to join them in the ride going to the wake place, and just when i enter the place i noticed some of the eyes were looking at me. I cannot held my head up and i was already unease with the feeling. And finally one of my friend tapped me in my back to say Hi, i think she's the only one who was able to recognize me. I don't know where to position myself in the crowd.I feel like i'm a different person. The people i expect to be there have left already a minute before i reached the place. So i just sit on a chair observing people discreetly.
First, i saw a friend who used to hold my hand before - even the first time we met. We're no longer close maybe because we never keep ourselves intouch with each other. I never pushed to chat with her but as i looked at her, she grown into a beautiful lady but her aura stays the same and she's still the friend i met years ago. I also heard her saying 'si nick' and caught her glancing at me as if she want to talk. We never did, i'm too aloof to start a conversation and besides i don't know too much about her.
Also, i saw a relative-friend whom i never had a close companionship since high school. There's no problem with me, maybe he's just uncomfortable talking to me. He just say 'kumusta na nick?' but we're good friends it's just that we seldom talk. Happy to see that the man i knew before was still the man i know in the present. There's only few updates on him and sort of modification on a subject which is sensitive to discuss. I'm also happy to see him very happy and proud of what he is right now.I can see a good person in him, a true-lover and a nice friend.
Next, i saw familiar faces (some i forgot the names). They were all sitting around the table and as usual they all drink and smoke. They asked me 'nick madya na digdi kana magtukaw!' i refrained going inside the table. I even refused to drink and smoke. They already matured physically but the subject of their jokes were still the same. I could not relate and discuss what is on my mind. They could still laugh and bang each other like before. They rarely talk to me and seldom ask me for a picture. I don't know what's on my face that they were all afraid to talk to me. I never dared to socialize except with one new buddy who tries hard to communicate with me but everytime he talks i don't find any answer to myself.
Then, i saw my two former teacher in high school. They were still the same, they're still best friend, and their smiles never change. I found myself walking to where they stay. I greeted them and had a plain talk about me in college. They said 'oh mr. nick dino' you seemed to be a bit thin and look quite different. By the time they left they asked me to invite them on my graduation celebration. I said yes with a smile on my face.
And i saw my very good friend Tin-Tin. I'm glad to see her smiling even though it's very hard to accept the death of her papa. She's really Tin-Tin who cries hard, but after loosing for a bit she will surely be back as a strong and jolly woman. I hold her hand as much as i can because that's the only thing i could offer her. I don't even know how to comfort someone, so just before i leave i hugged her tight. However, what marked on my head was the phrase she told me "ibahon kana kaya nick!." Only four words but it created a big impact on my whole being.
*deep sigh*
To see all of them once again after years or months was a reenergizer to my heart. But what happened to me? I suddenly asked myself before going to sleep last night. Where is Nico now? How is he now? Who is Nico now?
Can someone tell me what's happening? Nico is still here. I am with you guys can't you see me. I always see to it that i go home weekly. I'm fine though not that so fine. I'm better and on my way to be the best. Don't you like it? I may completely change physically but i don't think it change also the real thing in me. Hmmmn it's just that i don't drink and smoke now, i don't talk when no one begins to talk to me, and i prefer to be away from the crowd. Yes i know you all change and so with me, but why is that the change that happened to me was different from your change?
For once, i want to go back in the past where i am loved/accepted by everybody, happy and no worries, free and always excited, then i will just live there for the entire years of my life. I miss to be called 'NICK'.
Nick who use to be NICE, INNOCENT, CUTE and KIND. Apart from that, all i can remember are good things in his past. Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick where are you now? Everybody in the house is looking for you. They miss you a lot, they miss the real and the old you. We'll be waiting for you no matter what, because it's never to late to have a life and never too late too late to change one.
I know what and who is to be blame.
I'LL BE OKAY SOON. SMILE :DDD
yeahYEAH
finally after extensive research and readings we had
finally after all the gutom and gutom ulit moments
finally after revisions after revision
finally after getting stuck up with mess
and finally after getting my head cracked
FINALLY my Thesis is growing up!
i can see my self now on graduation with my friends
i can see how fulfilling it was to have 37 pages of writing
i can imagine how blessed i am to have such brain.
HAHAHAHAHA i wanna laugh til i drop.
THESIS101 next time ah be nice to me again.
n_n
letter of a BULLSHIT
it's not enough to say that i've already moved on, that i'm so over with you, and that i don't love you no more because honest to goodness i know deep inside me i'm still in love with you. though not that intense anymore but the point was the feeling is still there. it's been a long time since we parted ways, i've been to many new experiences and undergone so many changes physically. you know what sometimes i regret to indulge into this crazy game called love. i was destructed and broken because of my foolish and self-satisfying acts. i pity you for having such demon in your life. i'm ambiguous and is not easy to understand by anyone, my words hurt, i am careless and all. however i must tell you that you're lucky to have me even for once. i love you three times as i love my self, i care for you as to the point that i don't mind others anymore, and i gave you what i know i can't give to others. *sigh* nonetheless, how come you left me so bad, you've promised me to stay every single day. i'm not asking too much because what i only want from you this time is your presence as a true friend. can't we be friends once again because we're good buddies in the first place. i know we are both ignored and broken but please be kind to me. you're still special to me and that will never change. you're the very first one to take my breath away and love me for who i am. i'm so grateful to have you no matter what. it seems like we're miles apart now even though i know you're just out there. this blog post was actually meant to be just a quotations but because my hypothalamus is overflowing with so much emotions, i can't stop writing how painful for me that a special friend before was looking at me as if i'm a stranger. no one is to be blame between the two of us, and i don't regret to have you after all the discernment i had. i just wish the best for you always, i always as always hope for your HAPPINESS beybi. you should keep on SMILING.
truly yours,
son of a bitch
Cool-For-School
Ano kaya kung sa pag-advance ng technology at sa paunti-unting pagiging liberated ng mga tao ay ang pagbabago rin ng mga kaganapan at sistema sa loob ng mga paaralan. *nice idea* hayaan nyo pag ako naging SSG president papataubin ko ang mga platform ng ibang kandidato, sisimulan ko sa Ateneo de Naga ang pagbabago para gayahin din ng ibang schools. *malay natin epektib* hahaha
*Sample campaign speech*
Magandang araw po sainyong lahat, isang pagbati mula sainyong Presidente sa hinaharap, at salamat sa inyong pagdating, ngayon nais kong malaman nyo ang aking mga plano sa ating mahal na paaralan, ang aking mga adhikain upang mas maging masaya at mahikayat ang bawat estudyante na pumasok sa iskul araw-araw kahit holiday, perfect attendance ika nga.
----> Mga bagay na imumungkahi kong magkaroon sa Ateneo pati narin sa lahat ng schools sa buong Pinas para ebribadi HAPPY.
- Elevators at escalators
- Wi-fi na walang restrictions
- Fountain na softdrinks ang lumalabas
- Aircon hanggang sa hallway
- Clearance sa mga teachers na yung mga estudyante naman ang pipirma
- Grade para sa subject na break/recess/activity period
- May flag ceremony uli pero araw-araw may guest na artista
- Free starbucks coffee every morning
- Silid tulugan
- University honor roll na pababaan ng grades
- Film viewing sa tuwing may bagong labas na pelikula
- Intrams na ka-team mates mga sports icons
- Birthday gift sa bawat estudyante galing sa admin and staff
- Isang building ng mga sikat na restaurants offering student meals
- Enrollment gamit ang facebook
- I.D na digital depende sa new update na vain pix mo
- Every quiz may premyong 1 million para motivated mag-aral
- Lockers na may dry wash
- Robots na taga pulot ng mga kalat
- Undergraduate thesis tungkol sa trending issues sa twitter
- Student directory na pwedeng mag-iwan ng message sa crush mo
- Gelpren/Boypren mo teacher mo!
- to be updated.....
Oh ano! inaasahan ko po ang mainit nyong suporta sa darating na eleksyon at aasahan ko po na pangalan ko ang una sa inyong listahan, hahaha manalo pa kaya ako, mmmn isang walang kwentang blog na naman ito, nakakatamad kasi pumasok bukas after a very long weekend. :DDD
septemberFEVER
whatever! September brings nostalgia to my stoned heart *aaarrrggh* i am moving on little by little, i am trying to be the best in every possible way, i am creating a new life filled with happiness *sigh* i'm starting to get dramatic again, anyways just want to share to you my LSS this past few days, i want to dance in the rhythm and melody of this music, i want to dance in the rain and together with the cold rain i will cry hard to ease the pain i keep for a very very long period of time.
I AM JUAN NICOLAS i should be worthy until the end. n_n
now playing...
sometimes you just can't tell someone how you really feel, not because you don't know why, not because you don't know your purpose, not because you don't trust them, but because you can never really find the right words to make them UNDERSTAND. *kuha mo*
buset
7:30 ang klase namin sayo pero 8:00 na kung dumating ako
matatapos na ang semester wala parin akong natututunan sa philo.
kasi naman hindi ka masyadong interesado kung maturo
may itsura ka ng at ang taas ng ilong, pero aanhin namin yun
ni isang beses hindi ka man lang gumamit ng power point presentation
ngayon nagtuturo ka ng letseng conscience at nakaupo lang
paano ako gaganahan pumasok, kung ikaw mismo nagpopoetry reading lang
oh ayan nagsulat ka naman kunwari "a doubtful law does not bind"
tapos ngayon may isa kang kwento at kung sino ang may pangalan na john
john ang pangalan ko, tamad din ako at hindi ako magtataas ng kamay para sayo
buti nalang tinatyagaan ka ng babaeng epal sa likod ko, gustong maka A sayo
'anong kinalaman mo daw sa utang ng tatay mo?' at ngayon nagkagulo
shit paki ko sa mga utang nyo, mayaman ang nanay ko
haha halos isang oras pa akong magtitiis dito, bagot na bagot na ako
di naman ako makapagrecite sapagkat walang interaction na nagaganap dito
waaah tulungan mo ako! wala na rin ako maisulat, blah blah blah blah
uusigin ka na ng konsensya mo...
TAMAD KA, TAMAD AKO
KAYA LATE KA
MAGPAPALATE RIN AKO
Matatapos ang sem na to magiging kasing gwapo mo na ako
Pagpapantasyahan ng mga babaeng estudyante mo
kunyari lang na nakikinig pero panay lang ang titig sayo
HAHAHA kung saan saan na napupunta
no offense ser, ako yata ang may problema!
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ang sama sama ko talaga pati mga teacher sinasama ko na sa blog ko, haha okay lang yan di naman nila ito mababasa, anyways thanks pala ser no exam til now, asahan ko ang A ko na marka ah. :DDD
7eleven
sa katunayan nga bibihira lang ako kung pumatol sa alak
minsan lang ako uminom at makipag-inuman sa buhay ko
pero ngayong gabi sagot ko ang inuman naming magpinsan
ewan ko ba kung anong pumasok sa kukote ko at nagyaya ako
siguro dahil mapera ako ngayon at feeling ko nasa kondisyon ako
nakailang bote na kami ng beer, siguro pangatlo o apat ko na to
pauli-ulit parin umiikot sa isipan ko ang mga pangyayari kanina
hindi ko mawari ang sarili: sa dapat gawin at reaksyon na ipakita
pinagtatagpo pa yata kami ni tadhana, pero sa mga di inaasahan
mga di inaasahan na muli kaming magtatagpo, at hindi siguro dapat
kakagaling ko lang sa banyo para umihi at nakailang tungga na ako
nakaidlip na nga ang pinsan ko, lasing na siguro ang loko-loko
pero ako buhay parin na nag-iisip ng tungkol sayo, tungkol sa atin
hay nagmumukhang gago na naman ako, at nagsalita ang pinsan ko
"16 daw at ewan di ko na naintindihan" siguro sa 16 may magaganap
aasahan ko ang pagdating at pagkikita nating muli sa darating na 16
sana makapag-usap na tayo ng maayos at ibuhos mo ng lahat sakin
handa naman akong tanggapin basta para sa ikaluluwag mo
kasalanan ko naman talaga siguro, kasalanan ko ang lahat lahat
pasensya kana kung nagkakaganito ako, baliw na yata ako
nag-iilusyon parin ako na balang araw tayo parin sa huli
sa huli na kahit walang ginagawa at pinagpapaguran ngayon
puro kasi ako ganito at ganito, hindi ako marunong magmahal
tulad ng pagmamahal na karaniwang naibibigay ng normal na tao
kung mababasa mo man ito sana naintindihan mo ang nais ko.
hindi ko naman ipinagkakait ang sarili ko na maging magkaibigan tayo
muli muli sa pagkakaibigan naman talaga nagsimula ang lahat
at kung di papayagan ni tadhana, sana magkaibigan parin sa huli
kausapinm mo ako, magalit ka, basta marinig ko lang boses mo
lasing na siguro ako!
LASINGGERO ka ngayong gabi. =p
lettingGO
pagkatapos kitang pakawalan.."
hindi naman dapat ako nagsusulat ng blog entry ngayon,
hindi kasi ako makatulog, ni datnan ng antok.
paulit-ulit lang ako kapipindot sa aking cellphone
september 3 na ngayon dapat maayos na ako
sapagkat september 2 ang binigay na deadline ko
hindi ko na kailangan magkwento
pinapalaya ko na kayong lahat
lahat ng lungkot sa isip at puso ko
ayos na ako!
tanungin mo ako bukas ah kung kumusta na ako!
*SMILE*
repost@EL
Remorse never scratched my system.
I love you and it won't make any sense if I say I don't.
I'm hurt. What else will you expect me to feel?
Oh well, HURT, was an understatement.
But would you believe that I'm happy for you?
That made some fucking difference. I'm happy when you're happy.
So what about my ever static affection?
I'll get some doctor to help me out this shit.
As I always say, "I'll be just fine...pretending I'm not"haha
I'll be better soon.
*sigh
It has been an illusion.
You must have told me earlier.
I will accept it really, like, do I have any other choice?
Bitterness? Hard feelings? Of course!
Tao rin ako, dude!
But I'll still be your friend. Just give me some time.
How life played tricks on me.
So, I guess, this will be the end of my illusion.Eto na 'yung most awaited moment mo...
"move on and get a life, youll die waiting for that freaking guy."
Thank you. :)
________________________________________________
i guess this is the end i must say, i may not totally forget you but surely you've been one the happiest event that ever happened to me.
kwento galing MCDO (di mo to magegets)
INTRO:
Interior - sa loob ng Mcdo kung saan 1st floor lang ang ukupado, sakto lang ang tao, at nakaupo sila sa may malapit sa counter.
Exterior - Magulong kalsada at maraming taong naktambay sa labas, iba't ibang repleksyon ang makikita sa bawat mukha.
XIE: dito nalang tayo maupo, ibili mo na rin lang ako ng isang hot caramel sundae.
JAH: Okay! at pahiram narin ng sampung piso kasi kulang ako.
Habang umo-order si Jah, hindi maiwasang tumingin tingin sa paligid ni Xie. Baka may makasalubong ang mata na kakilala at makalimutan na ang kanina lang na kaniyang nakasalubong sa daan. Isang pamilyar na mukha, at mukhang hindi ni Xie makakalimutan malagas man ang lahat ng kahoy sa kagubatan. Nataranta sya sapagkat hindi nya nalaman ang dapat gawin at natural na reaksyon. Maya-maya pa'y nahuli niya ang kanyang sarili na nakatitig sa isang batang lalaki sa may kalapit mesa. Una nyang napansin ang suot na antipara nito na medyo nahuhulog na sa pagkakapatong sa ilong. Para bang nakikita ni Xie ang sarili sakanya sa kabila ng kaibahan ng kasarian. Napaisip si Xie:
*Sana hindi siya matulad sa akin, sana hindi nya tangkain pasukin ang mundo na sa di tamang panahon aking piniling tahakin, mahirap at magulo, higit sa lahat masakit masaktan dahil sa kasakiman ng ibang tao. Kung maaari ko lang syang lapitan at pagsabihan, huwag mo madaliin ang buhay, magpakasaya ka habang bata at huwag hanapin ang bagay na walang kasiguruhan. Sana sana sana huwag syang matulad sa akin na maagang umibig at sawing iniwan ng inibig.*
JAH: *smile* Friend eto yung sundae mo
XIE: Tnx friend *smile*
JAH: Anong iniisip mo Xie di ka masyadong nagsasalita
XIE: Wala tinitignan ko lang yung bata kanina dyan sa may kalapit mesa, ang cute kasi.
JAH: Saan? uhmmmn? hehe ang cute rin nung isang bata parang ako lang, kumusta pala?
XIE: Huh? bakit?
JAH: Wala naman, hahaha
XIE: Wala dina-divert ko lang ang sarili ko para makalimutan yung nakita kanina lang.
JAH: Ehem!
XIE: Maling timing lang siguro, nagbabagong buhay na ako Jah at inaayos ang aking sarili para sa kanya. Na para sa hinaharap kung kami'y muling magkikita ay may ihaharap na akong mukha at kaya ko na syang kausapin ng normal na walang pag-aalinlangan. Di ba nakwento ko na rin naman sayo dati pa.
JAH: Sino ba ang ating pinag-uusapan? haha
XIE: Siya yung alam mo na, yung nakasalubong natin kanina lang.
JAH: Ah akala ko yung isa, di mo naman kasi sinabi agad.
XIE: Hay naku, ewan ko sayo, i'm moving on na friend at ilang buwan na ang nakakalipas, pinagsisisihan ko na ang lahat, kung bakit ko pa binuhay ang mundo na dapat pala hindi ko pinagnasahan. Hindi ko naman kasi alam na ganoon yun nakakatakot at kagulo, hindi mo naman kasi ako binalaan. Sana di na nangyari sa akin ang nangyari pa saiyo.
JAH: *speechless* sometimes you need to experience such pain, aaminin ko nasaktan din ako ng sobra sobra dahil sa letseng PAG-IBIG na yan, ang salitang hindi mo kayang pakawalan sa iyong bibig. Masakit pero tanggap ko na at kailangan ko magpatuloy ng wala na sya, anong magagawa ko kung may mahal na siyang iba, at hindi ako yun. Ibinigay ko naman ang lahat pero kulang parin sapagkat iba naman pala ang kanyang hinahanap. Oo, tanga parin ako minsan pero hindi na ngayon ng dumating ang isang taong muling magbibigay kulay sa aking buhay, mas matatag na ako at marunong na akong mag-isip bago gumawa ng isang desisyon. Sana ikaw din. Bilib nga ako sayo.
XIE: *speechless din* Sana nga nakamove on kana. Kasi MOVING ON and LETTING GO is par different from each other, I must say. Pwedeng nakamove-on kana nga pero ang tanong kung nakalet-go kana rin ba, o pwede naman nag-let go ka nga pero hindi ka naman nag-move on. Sa sitwasyon ko, i've already moved on and as i promise myself, kung ikaw it took you two years to move on and maybe you've already let him go, ako sinabi ko sa sarili ko tama na ang 2 months na sakit ng pag move on at sabay na rin ang pag let go. Actually this is the last day of it, it's been two months since then, dalawang buwan na ang nakalipas ng iniwan rin ako ng isang taong sa tingin ko hindi naman karapat-dapat sa pagmamahal na ibinigay ko pero nagpaloko parin ako, pinili ko kasing maging gago, ibinigay ko ang lahat lahat, hindi ko alam marami pala kami sa puso nya. Isa lang ako sa mga isda na pinagpipilian nya sa isang malawak na palaisdaan. Sh*t ako pero okay lang, kaya kong magbago at maging bagong tao, para sainyo ang ginagawa ko, hindi ko man maibalik ang dating ako, at least i will assure others that i'll become a better person sooner or later. Alam kong hindi na sya maalis sa buhay ko pero naniniwala ako na balang araw katulad mo may magbabago ng mga masasamang karanasan ko at magiging isang aral nalang ito. Hindi pa ako handa umibig at parang ayaw ko ng nga munang umibig. Siguro ang pag-ibig para dun lang sa mga taong manhid at matalino pagdating sa usapang puso. Hindi ako magaling dun, mag-aaral muna ako, at bukas December na, asahan mong nakamove-on at nakalet-go na ako Jah. Ibang-iba siguro talaga ako kumpara sainyo. STROOOOOOOOOOOOONG AKO!
JAH: Hmmmmn para ngang wala naman nangyari sayo, hindi ko halata. Pero pagmamahal ba yun na hindi kaman lang nag-mourn o para bang nawala sa ulirat. Pag-ibig ang pinag-uusapan natin pero parang wala lang talaga nangyari sayo kung hindi ka pa nagkuwento sakin.
XIE: Hindi naman kasi ganun, sa akin tama ng naramdaman mo ang sakit. Huwag mo ng ipakita kasi ikaw lang din naman ang kawawa. Magaling ako humawak pagdating sa aking emosyon. Hindi lahat ng bagay dapat ipakita sa tao. Sapat ng may isang taong nakakaalam ng pinagdaraanan ko at hindi ko lang ito tinatago sa puso ko. Pero ang umiyak para sa sakit, hindi ko ugali yun, ang paniniwala ko kasi, ang pag-iyak dahilan ng sobrang galak, kasiyahan, at kung anong magagandang bagay na nag-uumapaw.
JAH: Sabagay may punto ka dun Xie, o siguro ibang klase ka lang talaga mag-isip. Iba ka sa mga tipikal na tao na nabubuhay dito sa mundo. Strong ka nga at iyan ay napatunayan ko. Sana ako rin.
XIE: Strong ka rin kaya Jah, strong sa inuman.
JAH: LOL, walang ya ka talaga, natatawa na lang ako sapagkat isang pag-uusap na naman na makabuluhan ang nagawa natin at para tayong shongak, balang araw maaalala ko ito, baka ikaw din, at magtatawanan uli tayo. Tatandaan ko ang mga sinabi mo.
XIE: Tara na!
EXTRO:
Interior - Tatayo ang dalawa at aakbay si Jah kay Xie, nakangiting maglalakad palabas
Extro - Naghihintay ang isang grupo ng mandurukot...
END
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