It was just two weeks ago when i had a conversation with a special friend at mister donut. We discuss a lot of different stuffs and talk about our classmates, recent & past experiences, love life, frustrations, until we reach the topic of death. It's funny how we own the shop for almost four hours with just six pieces of sulit size donuts, and one cup of hot choco for each of us. Going back, it's quite hilarious that both of us are not afraid of experiencing death and that we share common ideas on how we will conceptualize our death scene. Since then, i was thinking already of why not just end my fuckin' life because sometimes i am sooo damn corrupted with all those shits coming in my life. I am just looking for true happiness but yet it's hard to find. However, i'm only eighteen and maybe enough reason why i end up eating and just do thissssss....
Now, understandably, the human condition has certain circumstances where life episodes can pile up, and one can't help but feel the weight of it being insurmountable. Confused and undetermined to either take flight or hold ground and fight, sometimes we take the option to simply drop everything, and roll over dead. It's a solution logically to the human condition if you take into context how we rationalize problems. If I'm going to be the go-to blogger for suicides, then we might as well all take a moment to do it properly. Here are some things you should think about before you kill yourself. LOL
1.)
Clean Your Room - If you're going to take a sudden exit with life, better make it a clean one. It's bad enough that you're leaving all your loved ones to grieve, imagine how much worse it would be if they discover your secret closet of porn movies. CLEAN YOUR ROOM. Make sure you get rid of baggages that will embarrass those who care enough for you to get embarrassed by your shits. ALSO, you have pretty good stuff, maybe when you're gone, other people can benefit from whatever you've hoarded. Those comic or mimi books? Give them to someone who'd keep them in mint condition. Your laptop, your PSP, hell, even those half-full perfume you keep. Give them all away. You wouldn't be needing them where you're going. Make sure everything you have is well disposed of before you dispose yourself. Just because you can't deal with your mess doesn't mean someone else has to.
2.)
Fuck the Police - Well, not literally. Ok, maybe literally. Fuck the authority figure in your life. You're going nowhere anyway, might as well challenge the authority figures. Give them a piece of your mind. Your parents hate you for being gay? Give them one big FUCK YOU. Your lover for 5 years left you for someone younger and oozier ? You ARE a HUMAN BEING, and you have ALL THE RIGHT IN THE WORLD to assert HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE. Don't EVER EVER EVER let anyone make you feel like you don't have the right to tell them to fuck off when they so rightly deserve it. You have the RIGHT to scream it in their faces: FUCK YOU! Because God made you beautiful (if there's really God), God made you right, God made you strong enough to fight, God gave you the right to live in this world just as much as they do. So fuck them, fuck them very much.
3.)
Blow Your Own Mind - Listen, in a few minutes, you're going to kill yourself. How about blowing your mind with ecstasy before you do? Go ahead, try E, try shabu. or just try the weeds. Eat 3 pounds of chocolate in one sitting, have sex with a stranger, spend all your money on a ticket to Boracay, Cebu, & Palawan, take a dildo and ride it till you come. There's absolutely NO REASON for you not to enjoy the best that life has to offer if you're planning on quitting anyways. You know what, here's a challenge: If you're so decided that you're going to kill yourself soon, why don't you go to the mall right now, approach an attractive person (be it a guy or girl) and introduce yourself, have a casual conversation about anything you can think of. Scared of getting rejected? Who cares, you're quitting tomorrow anyway. Buy a fuckin' basket ball, find a court, and see if you can make 100 hoops straight. Afraid of failing? Who cares, you're killing yourself tomorrow anyway. Go to an art store, buy stuff, and draw all the shit you've always wanted to draw. So what if all you come up with is shit? You're dead to the world soon anyway.
4.)
Write a Letter - This is a MUST. Look, when you're dead, people will be wondering why you did it. Even if you don't want to give them an answer, they'll probably come up with their own theories. Do you want them thinking you killed yourself because you're heartbroken, when you totally have another reason for killing yourself? People will formulate theories, people will believe the stories they want to believe. They will think you killed yourself because you're failing math, because you're a lesbian, because you're dumped by someone you love, because you're short, because your musical career's failing. SET THE STORY STRAIGHT and give them ONE HELL OF A TELL-ALL. Tell them everything. Don't start at the beginning, START IN THE MIDDLE because it'll be too long. Start with why you've chosen to kill yourself in that particular manner. Work your way to the beginning. Tie everything up in the end. If you have quite a story, then you better start soon. Get a notebook with good paper, and a reliable pen. Start writing. Don't hold anything back. You're dead anyway, you have nothing to fear about getting judged.
When you've done all these things... I'll make you a bet.
I bet you'll find that with all of its shit, life can still be worth living. If only for the total joy of telling them to fuck off, of telling someone how bad you're taking it, of giving away something of value to you to someone else who'd treasure it more. Because, goddammit, life is wonderful. I cannot express how amazing life can be, and you'll never know how mindblowing good life can be, if you don't let it show you, if you quit now, if you can't give it the time to show you that, fuck, life can be good, and you can be happy.
YOU CAN BE HAPPY too! =DDD
