iamGOOD

It's my first post this month of November and i have not planned to do it this way. Instead i want something related to what happened to me last All Saints Day, but to keep in track i'll do my best to insert the woo-woos regarding to that matter and since the story i am going to tell you was before, during and after Halloween. Sorry in advance for the grammatical errors that i will make, i'll try to write in straight English.

Some people might don't have the idea that i had given up love for i think four months already. I was hardly and badly hit by an unfortunate love affair (as i may say but don't get me wrong LOL). It hit straight all throughout my psyche that i was able to tell my self not to love anymore. I also had this thoughts in mind not to marry in the future because i do really admit i was not a good lover at all and that no one can stand along with me for too long. Yes, it's so sad on my part but as i said to my self and as expected I choose to get hurt when i choose to be in love and that what am i experiencing today is the consequence of letting my emotions overrule my sanity. But what else could be good if the happiness you want was in that the same person whom you cannot be with for the rest of your life. You'll be willing to sacrifice even a little bit of everything just to be with that person. Whatever to me! Because she was never mine, we're not always together, i don't know exactly what kind of relationship we had, but surely she was one of my sweetest whatever. And that made me think of her for once in a while, like recently before Halloween came I was really hoping if i could see that same person i'd go crazy enough. And that hope turns to be that way. We were able to meet discreetly (take note discreetly not secretly LOL) No matter how many times i told myself not to bother and be involve with her anymore, i couldn't resist because i found comfort by her side. Yes, i am afraid of loosing grip for the second time yet my heart is still willing to open its door to the same person who might not be willing and able to take good care of it but absolutely will able to keep it beating. But i know this time the best way to avoid heart ache while staying close to her is to stay just as friends. Hence, i was very glad to meet her again and was able to hear from her alluring lips the words "I MISS YOU SO MUCH". As much as i want to reply, it's a no no, i want to hold back as long as i can. No matter how much i want to kiss and hug her i am scared that my efforts to become a better person for the last few months will just put into waste. I'll just keep myself to where i should be and don't linger anymore to my failures - mostly because of her. I'll just stay as a good friend to her, try not to fix what has been damaged and let go of what had happened, or else i might end up crazy. I think we're good as friends - talk about silly things, annoy and tickle each other and what friends usually do. I am happy that i am not bitter anymore since i got the chance to meet her again even just for a little while. Moreover, sometimes it's nice to forgive people no matter what they did just for the simple fact that you still want them be in your life.


I think i wrote too much already... And i'm already hungry... Eating... And i'm done eating... I think i also lost the spirit of writing about this thing but i'll try hard. Actually every year i look forward in celebrating Halloween because i always got the chance to see my old friends at least for this day - spend too much time hanging around, buy some liquors and brag anyone's achievements. But this year, i was not able to meet any of them. I don't know why or maybe because i was busy spending quality time with my family and relatives. Nevertheless, none in the group bothered to call or even text me to come along with them. Twas okay, i'm just being pathetic. Anyway, this year's Halloween was one of the most meaningful ever, since i was able to give the kids their treat instead of tricks and i was able to go home to my hometown to share special moments with my family. I had realized how caring and loving was mom towards me. I am so lucky to have her so with my father who is very diligent and hard-working though i know among all his siblings my younger brother was his most precious baby and i am the least. My elder brother has been always good every time he'll try to make a conversation while my younger brother keeps on teasing me. I feel so blessed to have them all in the verge of my distorted life. If you could just read this post, i really mean it Ma, Pa, Manoy and Kim. I love you guys!


I'm already enrolled by this time and i suddenly miss my good friends back in Ateneo. For the past 4 years of my life they have been witnessing how i grew up and preach as a man. They saw me laughing out loud, get angry, upset and once see me crying (if that's really the case) They've been occupying a big part on me already that sometimes i am very scared of being lonely. I love the way we hugged each other and sometimes give each other a kiss on the cheek. I just love the way these people love the way i am without no condition. They were also the reason why i once told myself not to fall in love anymore because i already have them beside me. You know guys who you are. You all are one of the best. On the other side, after Halloween we went to the cemetery to visit the in loving memories of _______ and _______ and _______ and _______ and etc. LOL We are missing you guys but my Aunts will surely have their heart attacks due to severe shock/scare if you'll dare to visit us.  LMAO The family count are decreasing already so i must start making more babies now. WTH? What i was thinking after Halloween was the things after i leave this world. Honestly, i am not afraid of death, what am i afraid of was the thought of easily forgotten by the people without leaving them a sort of legacy that will make my name memorable and a proof that i live my life earnestly. That's the thing i am learning to make all throughout my life if you would mind to ask. And if i die someday i am really serious about having my body cremated and send a portion of it to the moon. That's was way cool than being buried and decomposed after a year. I would like my ashes float in the ether and fall to the moon after a year. I heard it and saw it personally on TV, and said it would cost about 200,000. If i could just do it myself why not. Anyway after Halloween i got again the chance to see her. Of course to some point I am happy especially knowing that she's been looking for me all day long and that she really wants to see me for no valid reason. I don't give meaning to that since we already cleared each other as friends. I really like the way i get speechless whenever i see her and the way she tease me for being so conscious about myself seeing her. It's also good that for the first time she was able to see my family and relatives who are very supportive to me and that i already regain myself from the troubles she made. She's not anymore my life like what i used to say before, but she's still a part of it i'm sure because she taught me how to give without asking for any return. I am tired already writing this entry and i still have to wake up very early tomorrow. So that will be enough for now.

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